Birchbox May 2014

16 May


You know how Birchbox has spoilers every month, but you never actually get any of the cool items they show off? Well finally the tides of fate have turned and I received one of these items that, up until now, I assumed were cruel torture devices. This also marks the second month in a row that I am very, very satisfied by my BB. What is going on?!


But before we get to the contents of my May box, let’s take a moment to appreciate how fucking high the person packing it must have been. The little cute folder is always for fragile makeup items–except for this time! It totally makes sense to mangle a paper-held sample into there, along with… a foil conditioner packet. What.


Smarty Pants Adult Complete Multi-Vitamins (2 gummies/.32 cents): I am an adult. I can take regular vitamins. I do take regular vitamins. Being an adult, I have no problem swallowing pills. I don’t get the trend of “adult gummies:” in fact, I find it kind of insulting. You really think I’m so lazy I need to be cajoled into taking vitamins? And there’s no bonus to gummie vitamins: they still taste like vitamins (just coated in sugary gummies, eurgh) and they add unneeded calories. Okay, so it’s 17 calories in the 2 gummies, but still. I don’t want the extra sugar, I want fucking vitamins. Birchbox, this is the lamest “lifestyle extra” of all time.


Number 4 Volumizing Shampoo & Conditioner (combined value $5): I’ve never gotten matching shampoo & conditioner samples in different sizes. I’d appreciate it if they were reversed (bigger conditioner, smaller shampoo) because I have a lot of hair. But, hey, it’s an extra sample I get to redeem points for! And while it’s a pretty average shampoo, it smells absolutely amazing.


Whish Shave Cream in Acai Grapefruit (.75oz/$3): I’ve been waiting pretty much the entire length of my subscription to get some Whish Shave Cream, so I was pretty damn excited about this one. It’s silky-smooth, smells amazing and leaves your legs very moisturized. Basically it’s everything I dreamed of, and I’ll definitely be redeeming some points for a full-size.


LAQA & CO Sheer Lip Lube in Purple (full size/$18): Doesn’t look like a full size, does it? Well, apparently LAQA & CO love deceptive packaging. This sample is .07 oz, and the full size is…. .07 oz, just in a much longer tube! It’s a lovely lip crayon, with enough color for a nice pop but it goes on moisturizing and semi-sheer.


The color, uhnf. So perfect for the radiant orchid trend. It’s so lovely!


CoTZ Face Natural Skin Tone SPF 40 (2.0g/$1): This is the world’s smallest sample. I mean, 2 grams? Is this a sample for ants? Thankfully it is of something I definitely do not need: tinted sunscreen in 3 shades too dark for my skin. I also don’t use anything with SPF of less than 75 (because I am a vampire). Also, having a bland tan as “natural skin tone” is kind of insulting to the people on the darker and lighter end of the spectrum: are we not natural toned? Hmmmmmm, CoTZ? Just kidding, I really don’t care about the stupid names of these products.

Total box value: $27.32

Even there are really only two items I love in this month’s box (shaving cream and the lip pencil), I feel like $5 after points is WELL worth a friggin full sized pencil lip color. It’s PURPLE. Purple. And, you know, I got to be snarky about gummies. Gonna chalk this one up as a win.

If you want to sign up for a Birchbox of your own, please feel free to use my referral link!

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2 Responses to “Birchbox May 2014”

  1. Rebecca B. Bird May 18, 2014 at 1:01 am #

    Speaking as an adult who does have trouble swallowing massive pills, I get why gummy vitamins might be a useful thing. But I would have been seriously annoyed if I got them in a Birchbox. Most of the random “lifestyle” extras annoy me though, so… meh. Less random stuff, more beauty samples please!

    • Leah Bayer May 18, 2014 at 1:32 am #

      I think I’m overly jaded when it comes to pills–I had serious ear infections every month as a kid, and I’ve been refusing liquid meds since I was 6. Only pills for years! But I can totally see not wanting to take them if you’re not used to it. But still, don’t send me them in BB! Or at least send more than two.

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